1. When choosing whether to cut your partner's cord or go over the cliff, ask yourself: "What's she done for me lately?"
2. You can eat your shoe and you can eat your friend, but you can't eat your friend's shoe.
3. Even if you cry yourself a river, you still don't have a boat.
4. Faint banjo music = run.
5. When choosing which island alliance to cast your lot with, choose the one that's best-looking chances are, it'll prevail in the end.
Says who? Indy A&E editors.