1. That whole "mark of the beast" thing on your forehead.
2. Jesus might interpret your "If this van's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'" sticker literally.
3. You misread the Rapture Index (the "Dow Jones Industrial Average of end-time activity") at raptureready.com, thinking that 181 was a good "prophetic speedometer" reading.
4. Couldn't be bothered to miss 50-cent wing night at Hooters.
5. Hey, if being left behind was good enough for Kirk Cameron, then it's good enough for me!
Says who? Indy calendars editor Matthew Schniper.