Columns » Topfive

Top Five

... failed fast-food mascots


1. The Ghost of Dave Thomas Wendy's. " ... initially envisioned as a good natured cross between the Family Circus "Not Me' character and the Coz's "Ghost Dad' ..."

2. Harold McRib, Deadbeat Dad McDonalds. " ... a transient, suitcase-toting father/husband figure, desperately trying to re-acclimate himself into the family fold."

3. The Horse Arby's. " ... approach[es] tables with baskets of Horsey Sauce, repeating the gleeful claim, "It comes from meeeeeee!'"

4. Roid Rage Chicken KFC. "Bred without a beak or an asshole, this steroid-saturated, four-foot tall chicken flies into a violent tantrum ... when its character is questioned."

5. Applebee's Strumpet Waitress Applebee's. "When she's not working a double, sporadic nursing student "Amy' has unprotected sex with random men who wear visors and barbed wire tattoos."

Says who?

Add a comment

Clicky Quantcast