1) Keep your trusty lanyard around your neck at all times — it makes you look like the kinda fellow with his ducks in a row. While you're at it, go ahead and pack that campus map and compass.
2) You're not getting the real college experience unless you go to a sports game and punch someone in the face.
3) If you forgot to cheat, ask your professors if they've heard about the benefits of grade inflation.
4) Pants are optional in same-sex dorms.
5) Do absolutely whatever it takes to get into your sorority/fraternity of choice. Everything else is negligible until that's accomplished.
6) Posting on your class page will leave a lasting impression. You're in Colorado now, so you might as well ask if anyone else likes naked yoga??? ;) ;)
7) The best way to deal with a disagreeable roommate? Steal their food.
8) Make an entrance. Come to class at least 10 minutes late. Wear sunglasses and loose-fitting pants, and clutch a Starbucks cup, even if it's empty. Sigh repeatedly and check your phone throughout class.
9) Upperclassmen guys welcome packs of freshman girls to their parties. With open arms and good intentions.
10) Like singing? Like traveling? Like acupuncture? You can totally use your college education to become a singing, traveling acupuncturist!
11) Don't forget the four food groups: caffeine, alcohol, french fries and ramen.
12) Know that your reputation precedes you. Talk about how popular you were in high school, and you'll be just as popular in college.
13) Your campus will probably have a high diversity index. If you can't communicate with your roommate, it's probably for the best.
14) Easiest way to become a legend: Make it your mission to have sex in every single building on campus.
15) Finally, college academics are wholeheartedly immersed in the power of education, with the goal of transforming the minds of their students in preparation for our rapidly changing world. You have absolutely nothing to worry about.