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Strain review: Qrazy Train


It ain’t much to look at, but Qrazy Train is one of the better “hot mess hybrids.” - BRANDON SODERBERG
  • Brandon Soderberg
  • It ain’t much to look at, but Qrazy Train is one of the better “hot mess hybrids.”
Blame it on the sometimes maddening tangle of mixes of mixes of mixes and hybrid strains and the suggestive name of this strain too — Qrazy Train — but this Indica-Sativa split with its straight-down-the-line pleasant and unperturbed high is a big, consolatory surprise. Qrazy Train’s high is not that crazy at all or even all that peppy, just assertive, and with a body high that wriggles around and eventually rests in weird places, like in my elbows, behind my knees, from shoulder blade to shoulder blade, and in my lips and chin. It made me feel full of smoke, like the bud was whirling around inside me and getting to unpredictable places, poking me differently than usual.

Qrazy Train consists of Trainwreck — whose name I mocked in a past review (death to pseudo-“bad-ass” weed names!) but I also wrote that it brought with it, “a pain-relieving body high that’s truly something special” — along with Purple Urkel, Trinity and Space Queen. You can feel each of those specific strains’ effects here: the gloopy, grinning sleepiness of Purple Urkel; the bright-eyed joy of Trinity; the vibrating nerviness of Space Queen.

Like the best hot mess hybrids, Qrazy Train is one where all of its distinct elements get to solo for a bit, but when they work together, it’s in a wonky kind of harmony instead of sloppy discord. That said, the bud here is a mess. One of the least attractive I’ve seen (maybe that’s the crazy part, I dunno), a muted purple-bruise/turd-brown color, though it’s also soft and rips apart like tissue paper, and grinds into a particularly fine powder. And it tastes how it smells, a mealy IPA flavor (or vice versa really, an IPA tastes like weed, but you know what I mean) and leaves you with an
unobtrusive cough-free inhale.

Knowingness, with the slightest hint of enlightenment is the best way to describe the high. It’s a puckish kind of at-peace, with a bit of an edge to it like Bill Murray in that weird adaptation of W. Somerset Maugham’s The Razor’s Edge. There’s that one part in the book where a character describes what he’s reading like this: “I don’t suppose I understand very much of it yet, but it fills me with exultation. It’s like landing from your plane on a great plateau in the mountains. Solitude, and an air so pure that it goes to your head like wine and you feel like a million dollars.”

If Qrazy Train lives up to its name much at all, it’s not by evoking Ozzy Osbourne’s idiotic arch hard-rocker with its dumb “all aboard” woo woo’s and echoing “aye-aye-aye” and oh that riff, dumb and complicated. Rather, it evokes Trick Daddy’s “Crazy Train”-sampling, “Let’s Go,” which shoots Ozzy’s yells and that riff through Miami fight-you, party music. Does that make any sense?

Strength: 7
Nose: A moss-flavored gummy bear
Euphoria: 9
Existential dread: 1
Freaking out when a crazy person approaches you: 1
Drink pairing: PBR
Music pairing: No Age’s “Snares Like a Haircut” or just Trick Daddy
Rating: 9

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