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Strain review: Pink Lemonade

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By taste, Pink Lemonade’s aptly named. - BAYNARD WOODS
  • Baynard Woods
  • By taste, Pink Lemonade’s aptly named.
I’ve been dabbling with dabs a little more than normal lately. I used to be opposed to dabs — the torch and the sticky gummy stuff and the stories of labs blowing up and all that just seemed like it was a way to make a soft drug hard. But I started to enjoy the weird ritual and the intensity of the high and, between that and the cartridges and the like, I realized I’d gone a week or so without any flower. I suddenly felt exhausted by the grind of dabs and longed for some refreshing flower, so I went to the dispensary looking for something particularly crisp.

In a field where “dank” is a preferred adjective, crisp isn’t an obvious modifier. It is, in fact, the antonym of dank, the difference between mountain air and a dark basement. Maybe I was suckered by the refreshing name, but Pink Lemonade struck my fancy. It is a gorgeous, bright and dense bud, light green with orange hairs and white crystals in the colors and patterns of a worn pair of camo pants. The smell is crisp, hitting mainly all the olfactory high notes and staying away from the darker, lower tones. The taste is the same, the palate so sharp that it is almost sour in the way that makes you pucker your lips up. By taste, it is one of the more aptly named strains.

But its effects, like its genetics, are far more murky. This hybrid boasts a certain Sativa boost that is dulled and undercut by an Indica drag. On the other hand, the Indica pull keeps it from being productive. The high begins and ends behind the eyes, starting with that little relief in tension in the top half of your face, relaxing muscles you did not even realize were tense. It goes from there to a thoughtful moment or two, where you get that sense of being inspired even if there is no actual inspiration, and it wavers there a little bit and almost tips into dread, but before it goes anywhere beyond mild anxiety you realize how damn dry your eyes are.

The relaxation has somehow morphed into optical drought. By then the high has eased its way down into your neck and shoulder muscles and you feel like you’re walking with a certain roll-shouldered swagger. But that subsides into sleepiness. It’s my least favorite attribute in weed, that heavy-drag comedown that sinks the rest of a day. It is an exhausting strain. It’s hard to determine what strains went into Pink Lemonade — different people say different things — but it is illustrative of some of the dangers of breeding for flavor and high THC — about 25 percent. It’s toothsome and tasty but leaves you feeling exhausted and empty, like some sugary food or drink like lousy store-bought lemonade.

Strength: 7
Nose: Mountain air, pine, honey
Euphoria: 5
Existential dread: 4
Freaking out when a crazy person approaches you: 3
Drink pairing: Lemonade bought from the girl Permit Patty called the police on (for selling water)
Music pairing: “Harambe” by Young Thug
Rating: 4

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