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Strain review: Phantom OG

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To enjoy this strain’s effects, you have to cede power and let it happen to you. - BRANDON SODERBERG
  • Brandon Soderberg
  • To enjoy this strain’s effects, you have to cede power and let it happen to you.
The ongoing and pointless argument that Indica vs. Sativa means nothing and never did or whatever the weed nerds are perpetuating in this wonder-wrecking moment for weed writing should be deaded by Phantom OG, an Indica strain that not only results in an unforgiving body high but straight up shuts your mind off along the way. As Phantom OG’s effects wriggle into your limbs, you’re covered in a sheet of confusion. No, you’re hit with a tidal wave of confusion. Nah, something more menacing, the red moving, grinding, head-lopping wall in Caligula with the rotating blades? Your mind is crushed by that — whatever it is — of confusion. It is known to be a hybrid of OG Kush and another strain no one quite knows and how it leaves you stoned and alone would make you think it’s a hybrid of OG Kush and laudanum or something, you’re so lost and little here.

Then again, your mind getting powered down doesn’t make it not a mind high now does it? But look, on some level, Phantom OG sucks. It isn’t mind-melting and it isn’t curiosity-creating and it isn’t too relaxing either. It doesn’t quite do any of the things it’s trying to do or really, that weed does, all that effectively. It makes you slowed down and dumb, but it isn’t a blissful ignorance, it’s a nagging and palpable Flowers for Algernon sense that the wires ain’t connecting no more. Giddy and goofy but then narrow-eyed, like the tail end of too much coffee, when you’re post-productive, still going through the motions of completing tasks, making connections, but not actually doing much of anything, winding down from what exactly you long forgot.
This is the least mindful I think I’ve been in a review and that feels strange. Weed is, in part, medicine — even when it isn’t medicinal — the same way alcohol can help soothe and just temporarily change your brain. And declaring that a certain person’s medicine “sucks,” is for jerks. If you suffer from issues related to focus or you’re diagnosed with ADD, I could see Phantom OG’s confusion as almost restorative, and the way its high flings you around enervates which totally could help people who have trouble sleeping. It is then I imagine for most folks at least, a good watching-movies-or-television-in-the-dark strain.

And still, for everybody who tries it, there is a, however brief, special denouement to Phantom OG. An almost illusory burst of comfort and clear-eyed focus that might explain the Phantom parts of its name and makes this pesky strain still worth your time. Toward the end of the high, you’ll feel sleepy and if you know what to expect, that montage of feels can be powerful, tactile, like swimming at night amid pretty big waves. It’s a negotiation, one you win by giving in, ceding power, letting it happen to you.

Strength: 7
Nose: A Lemon Jelly fruit candy stuck between two bootleg Thin Mint cookies, the saddest stoner sandwich you’ve ever seen
Euphoria: 7
Existential dread: 5
Freaking out when a crazy person approaches you: 5
Drink pairing: Cheap red wine
Music pairing: Mikey Dread, Dread at the Control Dubwise
Rating: 5

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