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Strain review: Flo x Stardawg

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This robust bud looks like some weed that was dipped in some other weed. - BRANDON SODERBERG
  • Brandon Soderberg
  • This robust bud looks like some weed that was dipped in some other weed.
Look folks, I don’t name ‘em, I just smoke ‘em and review ‘em, but here with Flo x Stardawg we’ve got a troubling mixture of stupid stoner words, so I am sorry. “Flo,” which is kind like “flow” as in “takes it as it comes, man,” which is just a big no (Flo itself is a Purple Thai and Afghan Indica cross that tilts more toward Sativa), and “Stardawg,” so we have “star” which is like outer space which is a rote on-weed topic of conversation that can be fruitful but usually isn’t and then there’s “dawg,” duh, which the less said the better, don’t need to explain this and the “aw” spelling only makes it worse (Stardawg crosses Chemdog 4 and Tres Dawg and flaunts a high that’s great for resolving nervous energy).

Meanwhile, Flo x Stardawg’s smell is tricky. One of those multiple-aromas-all-at-once strains (pine, something sweet, maybe feet for a second or two, lemon, clove cigarettes, sex, then some Pink Lemonade Crystal Light?) that skates away by the time you light up and get to taste it, where it has picked up a weaksauce grape quarter water flavor. And it’s one of the dustiest strains, with fine, Cheetos flavoring-looking crystals all over its robust buds, like you dipped your weed in some other weed.
The strain itself rates much ado about not too much, honestly, and that’s because it’s all crosses crossing each other. Even if it boasts two tried-and-true favorites, there’s a lot going on here and it leads you toward a middling mind high and an intense body high replete with really powerful pain alleviation. While most heavy highs like this leave you feeling like a brain in a jar, this is all feeling, a roving deep comfort that doesn’t quite work for purely recreational or even chill-out use but could be world-shifting if you’re enduring serious, chronic pain. Like I said, I didn’t have many thoughts with Flo x Stardawg — mostly just a kind a softbatch paranoia applied to everything but nothing in particular and not overwhelming, though hardly welcome.

Those few dumb deep thoughts were as follows: worry about Trump of course (a useful 2018 rule: If you get high and think about Trump it was not a good high; if you got high and forgot about Trump, it was a good high) and then a linguistic dérive. I saw a “Help Wanted” sign and realized I had in some ways been misreading the sign for years. The proper way to read it is with “help” being the noun and “wanted” being the verb whereas I really do think for my entire life I saw it as like, “Help! We need someone to work for us,” which is mildly embarrassing on my end and would make for weirdly urgent, even nervous signage. If that counts as “insight,” though, then you might like this jittery Sativa that’ll rough you up a little.

Strength: 8
Nose: A lot of things, man (see review)
Euphoria: 6
Existential dread: 5
Freaking out when a crazy person approaches you: 6
Drink pairing: Bulleit
Music pairing: Big Tymers, How You Luv That
Rating: 6

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