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Strain review: 3X Crazy

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3X Crazy smells like gray clay and hay. - BAYNARD WOODS
  • Baynard Woods
  • 3X Crazy smells like gray clay and hay.
It’s been years, if not decades, since smoking up has found me pigging out on some kind of cruddy snack food you buy at the too-brightly-lit horror-movie paranoiagoria of the convenience store. But even if you don’t dive into a bag of chips, that doesn’t mean that weed doesn’t enhance your appetite, and this summer, with a little garden of tomatoes and peppers and a nearby farmers market, I have been hungry as hell.

That’s especially true after smoking 3X Crazy, another previously potentially trademark-infringing and youth-enticing rebrand of the strain formerly known as Optimus Prime. 3X Crazy grows in preposterously large and malformed but tightly packed and beautiful green buds flecked with orange and white. It’s the cathead biscuit or heirloom tomato of tokables — beautiful in its gnarliness.

It smells of gray clay with some hay — a bit of “barn” as the natural wine folks say — but something brighter on top of that, like a lime-heavy spritzer or something.

This weed is one of those that makes me doubt the nearly Manichean divide between Indicas and Sativas — although I generally endorse the shirt I saw a tough-looking woman on the street wearing the other day: “Sativa on the streets, Indica in the sheets” — because it starts with such a sudden upsurge of focused but still almost giddy energy. But a half-hour in, without getting tired exactly, the same follicles that seemed to be lifting you up toward the ceiling a few minutes earlier are now somehow massaging themselves as you start to slump a bit into a somatic chill.

That’s when you find yourself racked by a thrice-insane hunger eating away at every fiber. But, and maybe it’s just that I’m getting older, I’ve found myself craving healthy shit. Today, after smoking a few bongs full, I went and walked around on the sun-smashed streets, bright and hot and full of fiery energy. Then I came back home and slurped down two tremendous bowls of gazpacho, cold and bright, and an avocado smeared across black bread. Oh man, I had hardly ever tasted anything so good.

After eating, I smoked some more and thought of Patti Smith’s great second book M Train. In Just Kids, she had inherently exciting subject matter — Robert Mapplethorpe, the Chelsea Hotel, etc. — but in M Train, she writes mainly about drinking coffee, eating black bread and watching Law & Order in hotel rooms, and it’s just as beautiful.

That kind of immersive joy of something very basic — a cold tomato soup, followed by reflection upon it — is just the kind of thing I’m looking for in my weed these days. Because, despite the dumb name, this kind of weed may help you slow down and stay sane.

Strength: 8
Nose: Gray clay and hay with a little bit of manure and lime spritzer
Euphoria: 7
Existential dread: 1
Freaking out when a crazy person approaches you: 1
Drink pairing: Sparkling rosé
Music pairing: Patti Smith, “Redondo Beach”
Rating: 9

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