Best Of » Personalities / Local Folk

Sex, snakes and Joe Six-Packs

In 2008, ballot suggestions eschew consensus for individual creativity

by and

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Category We Forgot

No winner

When it comes to identifying the Best Category We Forgot, the Independent's readership has excelled in Best Ofs past. In recent years, in fact, you've pointed out some almost inexcusable omissions.

In 2005, we neglected to put a category for coffee house on our ballot. In 2006, chicken/buffalo wings; 2007, artist.

Good stuff, right? We thought so, too, which is why you've seen all three of those categories included in this year's Best Of issues.

Of course, we also rolled out Category We Forgot again this year. But we regret and still are a little surprised to say that there is no winner. Out of 5,400 ballots received, not even five nominated the same suggestion.

The lack of critical mass is kind of weird. But speaking of weird, how about those answers you did give us?

Put simply, nowhere else in the Best Of process do you let your freak flags fly more proudly than when you're asked to make up a category of your own. So we'll take this space to highlight what we've most unscientifically identified as the Top 10 reader suggestions for supplementing the Best Of 2009 ballot.

10. Mandolin Player. Surely, there's an argument to be heard here that full bands and, for that matter, singers, guitarists, bassists, drummers, harmonica players, cowbell prodigies, hand clappers, etc. get too much attention.

9. Place to Take a Crap. Now, don't everybody yell McDonald's at once. Seriously though, short of Doug Bruce's lawn, could we all really agree on one place?

8. Queer. This one even came with a suggested answer: "Me." Well, OK, see you at the Pride parade!

7. Friend. Clever. But this one poses all sorts of problems. Everyone knows you can only have one true best friend. So if we received the same name twice, that'd mean that someone was lying to two people, pretending to be each's best friend. We wouldn't want to precipitate that debacle and sure ass-whooping.

6. Place to Break Up. Why we didn't add this to the ballot this year just goes to prove injustice in the world? This might be the most brilliant Best Of suggestion yet. Might we offer a few recommendations, in no particular order: Arby's, in church, in bed, at Mr. Biggs and at the Uncle Wilber Fountain. (Why not?)

5. Sexy News Person. Seriously? You're scanning the local news for kicks? Can we get an order of cable over here, please?

4. Rattlesnake Bites Jon Baker. Yes this is exactly what someone wrote. Damn near incomprehensible. Our only guess: Jon Baker is a local bartender and a rattlesnake bite is a shot. If we're wrong, it can only mean that more and more readers are filling out their Best of ballots on meth.

3. Esthetician. We're just amazed that an easy word like "rattlesnake" and a hard word like "esthetician" have the same amount of letters.

2. Person to Have Sex With. Please! Don't be so juvenile and sophomoric. This category suggestion is ridiculous. And besides, everyone knows the winning answer would be "your mom."

1. American. That's as in, "American person." The Best American Person of 2008. Well, gee there are so many great hockey moms and Joe Six-Packs out there ...

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