Well kids, this is it. This is the weekend we've been waiting for all summer long (and every summer for the last 18 years) ... Warlock Pinchers Reunion Weekend, 2010! OK, so I may be more excited than the rest of you, but honestly, if you don't understand the Warlock Pinchers, then, in the infamous words of the great Crispin Glover (as sampled in the Pinchers' song "Where the Hell is Crispin Glover?"), "You don't understand a goddamn thing, do you?"
How else would I have ever known that "Morrissey Rides a Cockhorse," or that "James Dean was an Over-Rated Asshole," except, of course, by listening to Morrissey's records or actually watching a James Dean movie? Anyhow, the Friday night show, featuring a smattering of Denver's finest — Dressy Bessy, Murder Ranks, Cap'n Fresh and the Stay Fresh Seals— sold out in days (aside from a handful of VIP packages, still available!). So now they've gone and added an extra show for Saturday night, featuring super-extra-special guests Melvins Lite (a special two-piece version of the Melvins, mind you), Tauntaun, Hot White and Magic Cyclops (who will be playing their final show). Both all-ages events will be held at the Gothic Theatre in Denver, and will also feature the Melvins' Dale Crover filling in for the Pinchers' former drum machine, which, in a brave but utterly tragic act of artistic seppuku, was erased entirely. Again, in the Pinchers' sampled words of Crispin Glover, "Unreal, completely unreal."
And speaking of "unreal," on Saturday, Aug. 7, at the downtown Pikes Perk coffeehouse, local musician/artist/weirdo Christopher Bullock will present the second installment of his terrifically unpopular concert series, Dudes of Fauxk. This round of Fauxkies is set to include a wide range of bands and "dudes" from all over the state of Colorado, including Doubtful Sound, Tiny Coffins, Tall City, Jason Horodyski and Thrifty Astronaut. The music starts upstairs at 7 p.m. Sound cool? Fauxk yeah!
And it looks like it's time to bust out the old hair glue, my pointy-headed compadres, as the Warped Tour hits Crapvesco Field in Denver on Sunday, Aug. 8. The nation's largest "punk rock summer camp on wheels" will once again bring scores of bands, hundreds of athletes, and countless consumer products together with thousands of confused and angry young consumers, making it the single saddest day of the year for any punk rock scene.
The "highlights" of this year's lineup, in this old man's eyes, include Alkaline Trio, Anti-Flag, the Dropkick Murphys, Every Time I Die, Face to Face, Pennywise, the Riverboat Gamblers, the Casualties and the Dillinger Escape Plan, but there are at least 20 or 30 other bands I have never heard of as well, many of which might be really good, so I am sure you will find plenty of interesting things to keep your mind and wallet occupied.
Oh, and I almost forgot! Did you hear the news? The owners of the O.G. Tejon Street booty bar, Rum Bay, have pulled the plug on the controversial but financially lucrative nightclub, and have already begun renovations for yet another controversial but financially lucrative nightclub. Whooda thunkit?
Oh well, smells ya when I smells ya!
Send news, pics and freshly laundered Rum Bay souvenirs to firstname.lastname@example.org.