- No one knows how or why the members of Hans Condor destroy every town they play.
Hey, hey kids ... Or should I say, "Ho, ho kids"? Mary Kermits! I apologize if I sound a bit frazzled, but who would have thought Christmas could be so dang hectic for a retail schlub with three kids? Well, I am not dead yet, and there is much to be discussed this fine Crustmas morn, so let's get to it, shall we?
Black Pegasus, still the "Great Colorado Hope," has taken a large jump forward career-wise, as he was arrested by the Fort Collins police after his Dec. 14 performance with Bone Thugs-n-Harmony at the Aggie Theatre. Apparently, they were "none-too-keen" on his use of a "brass knuckles" paperweight as a stage prop, and decided to hold him overnight in Larimer County's jail. Thankfully, he has bailed out with plenty of time to make it to the next show, with Lighter Shade of Brown and Zig Zag, at Dino's Bar (414 W. Fillmore St.) on Saturday, Dec. 27.
Hailing from "Out of Town," Tennessee, but proverbially blasting directly out of late '60s Detroit, Hans Condor will be laying down some of the same thick, swaggery shit that made the MC5 and the Stooges household names, at the Triple Nickel Tavern this Friday, Dec. 26. I caught up with bass player Erik "with a K" Condor via tela-mo-phone from Ames, Iowa, en route to Minneapolis, and asked him why the #$@% the band would tour Minnesota in the dead of winter.
"Perhaps we could have planned the route better," he admits, "but we don't really live anywhere, so we are always on the move."
Which would explain Hans Condor's gig for people nobody loves and "who would be at the bar anyways" on Dec. 25 at the 3 Kings Tavern (60 S. Broadway, Denver).
Ryan Coalition, aka Ryan Explosion, the former Triple Nickel booking agent who burned rubber out of town to work for Elton John, will burn rubber back into town over the weekend, and will be celebrating, as such, at the Nickel on Saturday, Dec. 27, with special sets by PolyJane, Crow Flies and Arliss Nancy. Good times have been promised, and we all know Ryan wouldn't let us, or Elton, down.
And a head's up for New Year's Eve, on account of the wicked bad newspaper timing: The Hayman Fire, Step to Every Pit, Nuk-L-Hed, Khrinj and Marriage of Convenience are at Union Station. The A-holes and the Asbestos Tampons (eww ...) are at the Iron Horse Cantina with free champagne and "party favors." Aria Tari will be playing a select set of fashionable rock at Rubbish Gallery. The Rocket Room will be holding the Miss Rocket Room 2009 Competition with burlesque by Lola Spitfire, Gezelle Ze Belle and BeBe Bario. Low Down High is up at the Ancient Mariner. The Taylor Project is down at the Dublin House. Love.45 is over at the Ritz. Jake Loggins is totally at Oscar's. Arch Hooks is absolutely at Thunder & Buttons II. Less than Zero is unquestionably at Southside Johnny's. Creating a Newsense is definitely at Benny's. Grass It Up is undeniably at Front Range Barbeque. Life Trancepozed and Kevin Rourke are willingly at Jack Quinn's. The Miscreants are hilariously at the Tam O'Shanter Pub. And last, but not least, Total Recall is playing a party at Steve's house in Castle Rock ... You know? Steve's house! Yeah, party!
Oh lord, I think I have lost it. Smell you next year!