So, without further ado, the envelopes please . . .
Best: Shrek 2.
Worst: Bush-Cheney 2004.
Performance by a Grizzled Veteran
Best: Million Dollar Babys Clint Eastwood gets another shot at glory when he trains a female boxer to fight for all the marbles.
Worst: Kentuckys Jim Bunning gets another term in the U.S. Senate despite running a confused and incoherent campaign that leaves observers wondering if hes lost all his marbles.
Best: Charlie Kaufman for his mind-bending screenplay, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Worst: Alberto Gonzales for his morality-bending memo calling the Geneva Conventions quaint (aka, Eternal Torment of the Enemy Mind).
Freshest New Face: The Phantom's Emmy Rossum.
Scariest New Face: The Ukraine's Viktor Yushchenko, after the dioxin kicked in.
Best Performance by a Rodent
Movies: Scabbers the rat in Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban.
Politics: Tom DeLay.
Best: Liam Neesons Dr. Kinsey visits a gay bar to learn about the sexual habits of homosexuals.
Worst: Illinois Republican Senate candidate Jack Ryan visits a sex club so he can watch his wife get banged by strangers.
Mega-Buck Action Fantasy
Best: Sam Raimis Spider-Man 2.
Worst: George Bushs Democratic Iraq.
Most Over-Rewarded Lousy Performance
Movies: Vin Diesel, who received $12 million for mumbling and grunting his way through The Chronicles of Riddick.
Politics: George Tenet, who received the Presidential Medal of Freedom despite presiding over the CIA during two of the most tragic intelligence failures in U.S. history.
Best: Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrows simultaneously retro and futuristic color scheme.
Worst: Tom Ridges simultaneously confusing and alarming terror alert color scheme.
Most Vicious Attack
Movies: Daniel Travis bleeds to death after being set upon by hungry sharks in Open Water.
Politics: John Kerrys campaign bleeds to death after being set upon by vengeful Swift Boat Veterans in Muddied Water.
Most Excruciating Performance by Siblings
Movies: The Olsen Twins in New York Minute.
Politics: The Bush Twins in New York at the GOP Convention.
Performance by an Anchorman
Best: Will Ferrell in Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy.
Worst: Dan Rather in The Myth of Jerry Killians Memos.
Best: The Passion of the Christ, which cost $30 million to make and has taken in over $610 million worldwide.
Worst: The Passion of the Democrats, who spent over a billion dollars on the 2004 campaign and got nothing to show for it but Barack Obama.
Performance Most Likely To Keep You Awake at Night
Movies: Tom Cruise in Collateral.
Politics: Dick Cheney in The Vice-Presidential Debate asserting three times that he was absolutely convinced that terrorists will try to unleash a nuclear weapon in the middle of an American city.
Achievement in Costuming
Best: Colleen Atwood for her whimsical, high-gothic outfits for Lemony Snickets A Series of Unfortunate Events.
Worst: John Kerry for his ill-chosen goose-hunting and windsurfing outfits in A Series of Unfortunate Campaign Tactics.
Most Ludicrous Prison Scenes
Renee Zellweger singing Madonna songs with her fellow Thai prison inmates in Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason.
Most Revolting Prison Scenes
U.S. guards torturing Iraqi prisoners in Abu Ghraib: There Goes the Moral High Ground.
\Performance as a Stepford Wife
Worst: Glenn Closes scenery chewing turn in The Stepford Wives.
Best: Laura Bushs ever-smiling turn on Inauguration Day.
Portrayal of a Memory-Challenged Character
Best: Drew Barrymore in 50 First Dates.
Worst: Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz in front of Congress for not being able to remember the number of soldiers whod lost their lives in Iraq.
Best Fight Scene
Movies: Uma Thurman and Daryl Hannahs knockdown, drag-out duel in Kill Bill Vol. 2.
Politics: Zell Miller challenging Chris Matthews to a duel on Hardball.
Most Daring Rescue
Movies: Firefighter Joaquin Phoenix braves hellish heat to save a trapped man in Ladder 49.
Politics: John Kerry braves watery doom to save Licorice, the familys pet hamster, in Humanizing the Candidate 04.
Most Romantic Location: Sideways rolling hills and wine vineyards.
Least Romantic: Bernard Keriks Ground Zero love nest.
Longest Cold Streak
Movies: Ben Affleck (Surviving Christmas, Jersey Girl, Paycheck, Gigli, Daredevil, The Third Wheel).
Politics: Bob Shrum (Kerry 04, Gore 00, Kerrey 92, Dukakis 88, Gephardt 88, Kennedy 80, McGovern 72, Muskie 72).
Best: Nicolas Cage pinches the Declaration of Independence in order to protect it in National Treasure.
Worst: Ahmed Chalabi pitches the idea of Iraqi independence to Cheney and company and pockets $30 million from the national treasury -- all while spying for Iran.