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Platinum Girl Scout Cookies is a strange, three-strain solution


In both appearance and effect, Platinum GSC lives up to its snazzy name. - BRANDON SODERBERG
  • Brandon Soderberg
  • In both appearance and effect, Platinum GSC lives up to its snazzy name.

A few weeks ago in a review of Scooby Snacks, I called Platinum Girl Scout Cookies “like GSC, just extra,” which explains this strain well enough but stops short of getting to its Gordian knot-like essence.

The deal is that Platinum GSC mixes OG Kush and Durban Poison — which is what GSC is made up of — and, well, another strain, no one’s exactly sure (which at this point in the world of weed science, it’s kind of like, “really now?”). Read around and you’ll see some people saying the mystery strain is Cherry Pie (a mix of Granddaddy Purple and Durban Poison) and that scans as a possibility from my experiences when it comes to what Cherry Pie brings to the table (“a wild and woolly back-and-forth between two different sorts of zone-outs,” I wrote awhile back).

At the same time, something that combines Girl Scout Cookies and Cherry Pie should be tougher than this. Platinum GSC is a compromise, a strange, three-strain solution. My guess is the mystery strain is some sort of hearty Sativa — and Cherry Pie is a Sativa-dominant — because Platinum GSC gives you access to a mental switch that lets you toggle between unalloyed coziness and intense focus.
The smell recalls a chocolate stout or mole sauce. And the taste here’s totally unremarkable and pretty gross. Read up and you’ll hear things like “sweet and berry with some spiciness” or whatever, but to me it’s like a Swisher Sweet, moldy fruit, and warm apple cider, just a conglomeration of not-so-good — like the guy behind you at the DMV’s nodding off and breathing through his mouth right on your neck and some of that stank makes some JFK magic bullet bounce into your nostrils and yikes. It’s not that it’s disgusting, just that you would rather not have to smell it.

“Platinum” though, is one of the few beautiful names thrown at a kind of weed. Rather than being lazy or just plain stupid like most weed descriptors, Platinum is evocative and accurate: Strains like this Platinum GSC, covered in an icy crust of trichomes, take on the silver-white color of platinum.

The internet’s ability to ruin anything at any given moment is a test for what your weed can handle, and Platinum GSC passes. The other day, I got one of those clearly tossed-off, too-annoyed emails from someone and all of the dulcet effects of Platinum GSC seemed to get sucked right out of me in that moment. It was the worst kind of sobering experience, the bad kind of interruption (Jenny Odell’s affable, discursive, common cause argument for controlling the internet and not letting it control you, How to Do Nothing, touches on meaningful interruptions; this was not one of those). Then, I regrouped, responded, and transitioned back into feeling real dumb and really good.

Sometimes a strain’s euphoric effects are fleeting, threatened by all that’s going on around you, but Platinum GSC perseveres. You can drop it and pick it up again.

Strength: 7
Nose: Old man breath, bad mole sauce
Euphoria: 8
Existential dread: 3
Freaking out when a crazy person approaches you: 3
Drink pairing: A Belgian beer will take even more of the edge off
Music pairing: The Meters, Struttin’
Rating: 7

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