- Brandon Soderberg
When you puff on some Pie Crust, you’ll feel like you just got hit with some tear gas. The smell (absinthe and limoncello and CK1 — this stuff tastes like you’re strolling through the men’s section of a department store) and the taste (mint but also pumpkin pie) is not so much emitted as released, clearing out your throat and nostrils — it is vicious.
Made up of two strains I’ve not encountered before (Malibu Pie and Grapple Cookie) Pie Crust is a Sativa-dominant that hits you more like an Indica: The energetic chatter it elicits is so intense, it kind of wears you out and gets you sleepy.
Really, this stuff is a motivation killer, especially if you use it early in the day. If you want to do anything other than sit around or maybe nap, avoid Pie Crust. I found this refreshing though. I have a problem being still or not working all of the time or even just feeling generally unproductive. And Pie Crust’s effect, a kind of domineering chill, makes productivity pretty much impossible.
Here is a complete list of what I did after smoking some at 4:45 p.m. on a weekday: I ate two veggie burgers; I stared at Twitter for an hour just scrolling; I watched an episode of Unsolved Mysteries and fell asleep; I woke up and ordered Chinese food; I ate ALL of the Chinese food; I watched 22 minutes of the 1985 movie Teen Wolf; I fell asleep again.
Everything goes quiet with Pie Crust. The world feels manageable and smaller. Once you’ve detached from all of your responsibilities — legitimate and contrived — thanks to Pie Crust, you can focus on yourself. Who knew?