Columns » Kenneth Cleaver

Kenneth Cleaver

Consumer Correspondent

comment
March 8, 2006

Mr. Paul Clayton

Chief Executive Officer

Jamba Juice Support Center

1700 17th St.

San Francisco, CA 94103

Dear Mr. Clayton,

Whenever I break down and buy one of your overpriced, allegedly nutritious beverages, I'm asked if I want a boost. When my girlfriend, who insists on being called my fianc, was asked this same question, her first thought was, PMS Boost?

She was disappointed, but she's kinda used to that. Since then we've both brainstormed some boosts Jamba Juice might integrate into its ersatz hippie menu. They are as follows:

Viagra Boost: Ribbed with Raspberries for Her Pleasure

Zoloft Boost: Fleeting Satisfaction for Your So-Called Life

Middle America Boost: Hit this and you'll wanna see Big Momma's House 2, and buy the soundtrack!

Bipartisan Bush Boost: For haters, this boost renews the capacity to read email from MoveOn.org while sober. For supporters tired of justifying their love, it enables effortless spewing of pabulum like Freedom. America. And Harriet Miers was too qualified.

Fox News Boost: Allows you to sit through Hannity & Colmes without smashing your monitor with nearest ice pick. (Often confused with horse tranquilizer.)

Please let me know when these might be available. You don't have to pay me in cash, just some schwag and a lifetime supply of boosts.

Sincerely,

Kenneth Cleaver Read the Response.

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