Ms. Richelle Acker
Associate Director of Admissions
Vanderbilt University Law School
Office of Admissions
131 21st Ave. South
Nashville, TN 37203
Dear Ms. Acker:
For as long as I can remember, my mother has been encouraging me to attend Vanderbilt Law School. To be honest, encouraged is a charitable way of putting it; like saying Osama encourages jihad. Anyway, it's not that my mother doesn't approve of what I do; it's that she thinks that my being an attorney will be some sort of Holy Grail of status and security.
I'm not at all opposed to status and security; I'm just against what generally goes into its acquisition. More importantly, I'm WAY too interesting to be a lawyer.
So ... would it be possible for you to officially reject me from Vanderbilt Law School? Preferably on the grounds that I'm too interesting, but I'll take what I can get. Speaking of which, please make the rejection FINAL, as in, Kenneth Cleaver is forbidden to apply to Vanderbilt, forever and ever. That way, this won't turn into an annual appeal.
I know that I could actually apply and then get rejected, but that costs money and requires that I sit through the LSATs. I already took the test without the L, and it was more than enough.
Anyway, I appreciate your help.