Columns » Kenneth Cleaver

Kenneth Cleaver

Consumer Correspondent

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May 13, 2005

Rocky Mountain Humane Investing

3360 Continental Circle

Fort Collins, CO 80526

Dear Rocky Mountain Humane Investing:

Congratulations! Our market research has identified your company as a candidate for our groundbreaking seminar series: Anger Management for Hippie Capitalists.

While most executives are subject only to the demands of an unfeeling marketplace, Hippie Capitalists answer to a higher calling. Whether it's offering the finest fair-trade produce, socially responsible trust fund management or obscure organic elixirs, you heal the world while making a buck.

At Cleaver Industries, we know this road is fraught with maddening contradictions. Episodes of public apoplexy are tolerated when they spew from The Donald, but when you're peddling the food and ephemera necessary for blissful enlightenment, you can't afford to seem anything but serene -- all the time.

Navigating this seemingly impossible minefield isn't something you have to do alone. Cleaver Industries' weeklong Anger Management for Hippie Capitalists workshop series combines traditional group therapy with nuanced approaches to both business management and the culture of affluent hippies.

Anger is nothing to be ashamed of. Revenue loss and brand devaluation are! For more information, please respond with a brief history of your business and anger management issues.

We look forward to working with you -- for the good of your business, for the good of the planet!

Sincerely,

Kenneth Cleaver

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