Chief Executive Officer
Kraft Foods Inc.
Three Lakes Drive
Northfield, IL 60093-2753
Dear Mr. Deromedi:
I'm delighted to see the Kool-Aid Man has finally decided to wear pants. It's about time.
I always found it unsettling how, in his fervor to please children, Mr. Kool-Aid would willingly destroy private property. Couple this with his emphasis on fruity flavors, and the agenda was quite clear.
Now that he's wearing pants, I can let the fruit thing slide. I don't suppose we could put a shirt on him, though?
Moving forward, you wouldn't happen to know anyone at Frito-Lay? Their Chester Cheetah is promoting a decadent lifestyle I find as objectionable as John Kerry's.
Thanks so much for your help.
Kenneth H. Cleaver
This letter was sent to several key members of Kraft's executive team.