Kenneth H. Cleaver
P.O. Box 1034
Colorado Springs, CO 80901
January 7, 2004
Attn: Customer Service Center
P.O. Box 33177
Detroit, MI 48232-5177
A friend and I are having a quarrel on whether or not Hummer ownership is inherently patriotic. Perhaps you can settle the question.
I've argued that because of its military origins, the Hummer stands in stylistic solidarity with America's armed forces and is therefore patriotic. Pushing the argument a step further, Hummers serve as a slap in the face to SUV-bashing liberals by using even more fossil fuel than the SUV. Conservative philosopher Ann Coulter has proven beyond a reasonable doubt that liberals hate America, so when patriotic Americans isolate or enrage them, they are acting in the national interest, which is the essence of patriotism.
My friend David maintains that Hummers are the ultimate in passive lifestyle patriotism. Patriotism, he maintains, can neither be enforced nor obtained via consumer goods and/or services (he's clearly never shopped at Wal-Mart). He believes fossil fuel dependency ultimately benefits theocratic regimes in the Middle East that spawn anti-American terrorism. He also considers Hummers to be an aesthetic abomination.
Just so you know, I've tried explaining things to David and, when that's failed, I've smacked him upside the head. Yet his argument stays the same. In any event, I'm hoping you guys can settle this quarrel once and for all, but do hurry: a $5 bet hangs in the balance.