Columns » Kenneth Cleaver

Kenneth Cleaver

Consumer Correspondent

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Kenneth H. Cleaver

P.0. Box 1034

Colorado Springs, CO 80901

January 8, 2001

Single Search Global

13176 North Dale Mabry

Tampa, FL 33618

Dear Single Search:

At risk of engaging in crude hyperbole, allow me to state that I, Kenneth Cleaver, am a great date. In the last year, I have engaged in numerous first dates and a not insignificant number of second dates that lead to third dates.

My detractors often ask, If you are such a great date, why are you always single? It is my contention that one can be a highly skilled dater without possessing the necessary skills for an enduring relationship. Rather than wallow in self-pity, I have decided to launch a career as a professional dater.

Many singles enter the dating arena uncertain of what they are looking for beyond vague aesthetic criterion and a passion for children and animals. Curiously enough, after several dates with me, most women develop a much clearer picture of what they are seeking. I've consistently heard, You're really nice, but I think I'm looking for someone: older, younger, Jewish, Christian, gainfully employed, etc. To my credit, I have a knack for being really sweet, smart and uh how did you get this phone number?

I will service your firm by dating those clients whose social and aesthetic merits are such that pairing them with another paying client would be disastrous. By dating me, these clients will gain self-confidence while figuring out what they are looking for in a mate. I am highly effective at giving strategic compliments and can successfully feign interest in the dullest conversations. After dating me, your clients will be ready to engage in the next level of romantic conquest.

I hope you will give me every consideration for employment.

Sincerely,

Kenneth H. Cleaver

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