Columns » Kenneth Cleaver

Kenneth Cleaver

Consumer Correspondent

September 17, 2003


c/o Allergan

Attn: Customer Service

2525 Dupont Dr.

P.O. 19534

Irvine, CA 92623

Dear Botox:

I'm not breaking any news by stating that American women have curious relationships with their bodies and questionable rules regarding their grooming. While a 15-hour-a-week health club habit invites little peer scrutiny, chemical injections administered to the face illicit ridicule from various self-appointed arbiters of graceful aging.

I've never used Botox because like most men, I'm far too preoccupied with hair loss, erectile dysfunction and Sports Center. But that doesn't mean I don't appreciate the efforts of Botox users.

There's something fantastically erotic about the prospect of a woman whose appearance indicates nothing about her age. She could be young enough to be your sister or old enough to be your mother -- in either case you can be sure she's legal.

Our culture is infatuated with bubbling nymphets and Ashton Kutcher boy toys, but what of the latter-day Mrs. Robinsons whose dating market value has appreciated tenfold all because of Botox?

I wish to conclude by stating how much I appreciate the benefits your product has bestowed on questionable men like me. If I were a musician, I'd dedicate a soulful dirge to my many Botox mamas, but since I'm merely a thoughtful slut, this note will have to do.


Kenneth Cleaver

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