Mr. Jayson Kim
Senior Director, Web Marketing Applications
One Ivy Crescent Lynchburg, VA 24513-1001
Dear Mr. Kim:
I just received an e-mail informing me of JCrew's secret sale. As one who occasionally refers to himself as pimp dawg, I can certainly forgive good-natured hyperbole.
For the record, your sale is no secret. I was not the only recipient of this e-mail. I'm also willing to wager that you would be only too delighted if I blabbed this so-called secret to your entire market demographic.
What I can't fathom is this: What kind of sale passes off a $16.99 T-shirt as anything but a cruel joke? I know that some T-shirts are more equal than others, but $16.99 does not a sale make. I'm from a coupon clipping family where $6.99 T-shirts don't raise eyebrows. I'm not trying to get all populist on your ass or deliver a salt of the earth sob story. Believe me, if I had one I'd have milked it into a literary memoir years ago.
You make great clothing, your ads inspire me to clean my apartment and do sit-ups. I spend good money at JCrew so please: If you insist on insulting me, find a more sophisticated way of doing so.
Kenneth H. Cleaver
P.S. While I'd appreciate an explanation, be warned: I can smell a form letter nine zip codes off.