Columns » Kenneth Cleaver

Kenneth Cleaver, Consumer Correspondent

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April 13, 2003

Mr. Jim McGannon
City Forester
1401 Recreation Way
Colorado Springs, CO 80905

Dear Mr. McGannon:

I read with excited interest in our daily paper about the growing trend of chainsaw art caused by the drought and its ensuing loss of trees. As far as I understand it, the prevailing wisdom is to place large chainsaw sculptures near city parks. As mentioned in the article, a sculpture of a tennis racquet might be placed to indicate the proximity of a public court.

This idea is so good it should not be squandered on just city services. For instance, I'm constantly driving in agitated circles trying to locate our city's many inconspicuous adult video stores. A sculpture of a huge wooden #$@k would help me out enormously. Similarly, our elaborate pawnshop district could feature sculptures of dollar signs in an $O$ motif to signify the desperate need for quick cash.

City hall could feature an enormous wooden vacuum cleaner; liquor stores might have enormous replicas of 40-ounce bottles. In the future chainsaw art capital of Colorado, the possibilities are endless.

Does the city have any chainsaws I might borrow? I want to start honing my skills with a larger-than-life replica of our larger-than-life state senator, Ed Jones.

Sincerely,
Kenneth Cleaver

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