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Hair today, gone tomorrow

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Lost within the coverage of Michael De Marsche's impending departure is perhaps the most devastating news of all, the news of what else the soon-to-be-former Fine Arts Center president/CEO will be taking with him.

Don't fool yourselves: When De Marsche skips town, so too will his perfectly coiffed hair.

But why? And how?

We thought it had a good thing going here. We always admired its shine and groom, and we determined that it, in return, thought we were pretty OK, too.

And though we never outright told it so, we affectionately started calling it "De Mullet." We excitedly talked of its potential and how it could help lead this town to new heights. Its fundraising-up-front, opening-gala-in-the-back style was exactly what this town needed atop the domes of our movers and shakers.

So, inevitably, the news of the De Mullet's upcoming departure shook us to the core. We wanted answers.

We called FAC director of public relations Charlie Snyder to see if we could get De Marsche's hair on the phone for comment.

It seemed as though we were the only media outlet to make this inquiry. Our question baffled Snyder. At first, he thought we were kidding. Then he realized we weren't.

"Seriously, that's why you called?" he asked.

Uh-huh. Do you think it'd be willing to talk?

"I don't think anyone's hair talks," Snyder said. "If hair talks to you, you may have a problem."

He was displacing the blame a classic public-relations spin move if we'd ever seen one. Still, it worked. We, in turn, got flustered. And we never got De Mullet on the phone.

It's a shame, too. We wanted to ask it about any fears that De Marsche might cut it loose as a concession to Armenia's stifling heat.

Instead, we came away answerless. All we know for sure is that the De Mullet is leaving, and that we'll miss it.

So what if we always knew in the back of our minds that it was eventually going to leave us? We can still be upset at the fact that it's all happening so soon, right?

Oh, De Mullet. We hardly knew ye.

Stay cool, OK? Pete Freedman

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