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Guava Kush knows what you want


Up, down or somewhere in between? You never know until you toke. - BAYNARD WOODS
  • Baynard Woods
  • Up, down or somewhere in between? You never know until you toke.

Andrei Tarkovsky’s great film Stalker is about a zone, called “The Zone,” which is fenced off and guarded by troops. It’s not ever clear what happened there to make it both dangerous and promising (many have seen it as almost a prediction of Chernobyl) but the legend is that somewhere in the center of this zone was a room where, if you get there, it will make your truest wish come true. So, people hire guides called “stalkers” to help lead them inside, past the guards and barbed wire and invisible dangers that can be countered only by wrapping hardware in handkerchiefs and tossing them across fields. The danger and the promise are the same because people do not know what their heart’s truest wish is.

Guava Kush, a hybrid, is something like that room. It can make you as uppy as the stiffest Sativa and also as drowsy as the dopiest of Indicas. But the problem is, it’s hard to know which will hit you. I smoked some when I needed to work, hoping for some hype. But it knew better than I did what I wanted. After a couple weeks out of town working with very little time off, time-changes, flights, then weddings, and other social obligations when I got back, I was utterly exhausted. And instead of jacking me up, or energizing me, it pushed me to the floor like a Baltimore cop on a bad day. Dear reader, I fucking crashed. Hard. As. Fuck. And then, I fell ill for a few days, sleeping and soaking up the weird debris of dream connections. It was so strange. But it was like the Guava knew what was up before I did. Somehow the weird fever-dream was a continuation of the high — a tour through the dark regions of the zone. I didn’t smoke more for days.

But, as I was convalescing, I took a few tokes in order to try to sleep some more, and I discovered that it woke me up. And it was a sign of my wellness and that I no longer needed to sleep for 11-hour stints.

But I didn’t want to attribute any of these effects solely to the weed, since clearly I was in a weird zone of my own. So I filed this column a day late to take another big toke of this overly sweet, diesel-smelling, fruit-flavored strain and I ground up a big, almost coniferous green bud and put it into a vaporizer (chilling on my lungs) and really savored the flavor, and the Guava hit me with a nice, even-measured hybrid high. But, still, I might erect a little wall around this flower for a while, and keep it cordoned off unless I’m able to swing either way, without dire obligations or need of sleep, on a given day.

Strength: 6
Nose: Gasoline in a cherry orchard
Euphoria: 6
Existential dread: 3
Freaking out when a crazy person approaches you: 2
Drink pairing: Hot toddy
Music pairing: “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” Rolling Stones
Rating: 5

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