Kicking off a new year means making vows in order to improve oneself: I'm going to lose 30 pounds. I'm going to quit smoking. I'm going to get a hot girlfriend.
But behind the promises are the secrets: I ate a whole box of Krispy Kremes by myself. I smoke because it keeps off the Krispy Kreme weight. I wonder why real women don't look like Seven of Nine on "Star Trek: Voyager. "
We here at the Indy felt it was high time we gave our readers (and ourselves) a forum in which to cleanse the mental palate, so to speak. Most confessional writers wished to remain anonymous, but a brave few dared to let us run their names.
Admittance, after all, is the first step.
I tell people who are vegan that things are dairy-free, when actually there is butter in them.
I spit on cars with "Bush" stickers on them.
I never have visited, and never intend to visit, the Manitou Cliff Dwellings or Cave of the Winds. -- Matthew Schniper
I had sex with a former boss's (I thought ex-) boyfriend, and he still doesn't know about it. What I regret though is -- for all the anxiety over it -- it was possibly the worst lay I ever had.
I have driven TOO drunk many times.
I hate my ex.
Some days, I just feel sick that I live here. -- Brian Blankenship, Boulder native, Colorado Springs transplant
I pee in the shower.
My college roommate's boyfriend seduced me one morning in the shower. She never found out.
OK, so I'm 46 and still need the nightlight ... and sometimes the soft, stuffed brown bear, and sometimes the soft, stuffed white-furred moose.
I had sex in the bathroom at LensCrafters while waiting for my glasses.
I have no pity for people with hangovers and try to make it harder for them.
I abuse private business and residential strips to avoid metered parking downtown.-- Matthew Schniper
I once came to in the middle of a big party, hanging upside down in gravity boots -- naked!
When I was young, around 10 or so, my sister was quite heavy. My brothers and I made fun of her, calling her "Cleo-fatra!" Later, after high school, she lost nearly 150 pounds one summer, became anorexic/bulimic, and has been in and out of hospitals many times to cure her eating disorder. What's sad, though, is I still laugh about calling her "Cleo-fatra."
I just really don't get what the big deal about John Hazlehurst is.
I regret I missed the debate at UCCS between Douglas Bruce and John Hazlehurst. -- Silvino Lyra
I confess that I regret that I didn't switch churches early enough from the biased fundamentalist preaching of Rev. Armstrong to the angelic sermons of Dr. White at the First Congregation Church. Silvino Lyra
I put a booger in your beer when you weren't looking.
I regret my addiction to Chipotle because I hate that none of them speak English.
I hit the same pedestrian twice, within a minute and a half. I pulled out from my one-way street, looked left and blam! Somehow, I had knocked down this guy crossing the street. I shrugged (yes, I was embarrassed) and backed up. I waited a moment, looked away from the guy, and this time, in my hepped-up state, I stepped on the gas. BLAM! I hit him again! Seems that when I backed up, he also backed up, and we did a do-over. This time, he was on the hood of my car -- and not a happy camper, either. He slid off the hood, came over to my side and started kicking the door and yelling at me. I rolled up the window and drove away.
I make fun of fat people who wear spandex.
Yes, I did I put Ex-Lax in your coffee.
I promote a peaceful life, but can't help but hate fat people. I see them as lazy, incompetent and one of the main things wrong with this country.
I make myself listen to music that other people say is cool, and I don't like it.
I nearly barf every time I brush my teeth.
I played online poker for real money and lost. I knew I would lose because I lost doing it before. Kinda stupid.
I regret not getting more politically involved with the last election.
Your "special" pasta isn't that special.
When I hear someone talking about how much they like Paris Hilton, Britney Spears or reality shows, I immediately brand them as an idiot in my mind.