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City names Colt as new finance director

Joanne Colt has a way with money
  • Joanne Colt has a way with money

In an effort to increase city investment revenues, the city has hired former city councilwoman Joanne Colt to serve as finance director.

"Our investments, while being very stable over the years, have not gotten the kind of yield we'll need to keep up with growth," said city manager Jim Mullen.

"Joanne's got the kind of mind and aggressive investment strategy that we need to get the most out of our stock portfolio," he added.

Runners up for the position were Michael Milken, a professor of business from California; Richard Keating, a retired bank executive; and Ivan Boesky, a retired stock trader.

"While the other candidates were very promising, no one could match the kind of short term returns that Ms. Colt was able to achieve," the city manager said.

In a tearful press conference, Colt said she was glad to be welcomed back at city hall, even if it's in a different role.

And she was humble about her ability to predict growth stocks. "It's really very simple," she told reporters, "you just pump up the stock, dump the suckers who bought in, then laugh all the way to the bank."

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