"Ahhhh Denver. I love this city so much. So much in fact, everyone’s been telling me, “Kalyn, you should to run for mayor!” And I’m like, “Don’t be an ableist! … I can’t even walk.” And they’re like, “Whatever, SIT for mayor, Hancock’s got to go!” And they’re right. So rightYou can watch all of the rapper's campaign videos at the Kalyn For Mayor YouTube channel. We think you'll agree that Heffernan’s politics are right on. What's more, her sharp wit can stand up to just about anyone out there on the comedy club circuit.
But how in the hell am I supposed to work here? [Points at stairs.] Wait, If I’m Mayor can I ban stairs? Wait, can I at least ban assault rifles? Who else is gonna rally our communities together to make real change, like YESTERDAY!? Who else is gonna do this?
Okay, Day 1: End the urban camping ban. Day 2: It’s time for Denver to have rent control. Look, we need affordable, accessible housing before these realtors capitalize on our sunsets!
Oh, and what about women? Yeah, I don’t stand for any of these dudes abusing their power! Women are the majority and IT’S ABOUT TIME we occupy the same amount of space and power as all these scumbags.
I don’t stand for criminalizing people for being alive, for being houseless, or born somewhere else, for being a young person of color or playing music on the 16th Street Mall. I mean, unless you’re part of the 2% of real Native Americans here first, we’re all here illegally — and so is this capitol! So vote for me, ‘cause I won’t stand for any of this shit!”