Fungus among us



What a great way to start out the day.

I was sifting through my inbox, the usual clutter of press releases, social media alerts (re-tweets, follows, etc.) and business mail (nothing personal ever, I swear ... really).

And then my eyes came across it: "Laser Toenail Fungus Removal for Two Toes."

Regardless if $99, down from $350, is a good deal, I honestly just don't care to ponder fungus first thing in the morning — nor its removal by lasers (whatever that smells like) — nor somebody's foot with two new clean toes standing in stark contrast to three Incredible Hulk rejects.

My first thought, of course, was "Ick!"

My second thought, a few seconds later, was "Ick! Still not over it."

But my third thought was "This doesn't sound like LivingSocial, the supposedly discerning company I co-profiled here back in June 2011.

The company whose representative said, "We know what's hot, exciting and what the trends are."

("Welcome to Colorado Springs — home of General Palmer's legacy, the military, churches, an increasing quantity of pho eateries and, who could forget, fungal toes.")

But in fairness, that same representative did say, "For us it's not about driving a coupon, it's about creating an experience."

My point to this meandering story is that here, today, fungus-in-mind, I'm officially calling bullshit.

I'm fine with all the restaurant discounts and event the excess of massage and spa treatment offerings — I'll give them their "experience" points on those.

But even looking again at today's email blast, tell me exactly what thrill you'd get from an auto glass replacement coupon:

I suppose the pet grooming is an experience for your dog, whether they like it or not.
  • I suppose the pet grooming is an "experience" for your dog, whether they like it or not.

In continued fairness, I will say that Groupon's not batting much better, particularly as it relates to lasers and your grooming habits:

I never thought Id read the word disables associated with hair growth ... fun.
  • I never thought I'd read the word "disables" associated with hair growth ... fun.

I guess I've learned a handful of things through this exercise. In summation:

1) I'm not fond of talking fungus first-thing in the morning.

2) It's about time to disable my email updates from these coupon slingers (which I only turned on as research for that earlier story — for reals).

3) I'm not buying for one minute the notion that our local reps are really sifting through the mass crap clutter to find us hidden gems of experiential greatness.

4) Lasers are multifunctional and awesome.

5) If fungus is indeed trending, may I forever stay out of fashion.

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