The Vuvuzela Monologues



Much like a construction worker's wolf whistle or an emo band whose singer has yet to off himself, the vuvuzela is a form of personal expression capable of inflicting severe discomfort upon pretty much anyone within hearing range.

But what sets the vuvuzela apart from these other annoyances is that it can actually be used to make music.

Well, kind of.

There are currently about 20 vuvuzela iPhone applications available, making these emulated versions of the World Cup's ubiquitous plastic horns the hottest selling annoyance since 2009's massive flood of fart apps.

To the best of our knowledge, no one has actually been killed simply for playing a vuvuzela. At least, not yet. But the constant bleating of these one-note wonders had ESPN commentators struggling to be heard above the din, until the network figured out a couple games in how to EQ them out of the mix.

And I can speak from personal experience when I say that a vuvuzela app is a remarkably effortless way to piss off even the most congenial coworker.

But surprisingly enough, it is also possible to put the real instrument (if you can call it that) to musical use, as demonstrated in the following two ear-opening clips. The first one doesn't sound all that different from Philip Glass or Steve Reich, really, while the second is even more impressive (if you just overlook the fact that there are some proper instruments filling out the sound.)

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