Consider yourself warned

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Please be aware of the following:

The Indy has been advised that despite the bad weather, an apparition indubitably draped in red will likely roam the northern territories of the city (said to be the Chapel Hills Mall's Borders bookstore), assaulting people with a complex cocktail of folksiness and sassiness.

The warning goes on to state that book owners should be especially careful as the "Wasilla Winker" has been seen to deliberately scribble her moniker on numerous pages, often dispensing a nonsensical (but oh-so patriotic) military troop reference as she goes.

Likeliest times of encounter are between the hours of 7 and 10 p.m. Officials advise those traveling in the area to hold tight to their logic, intelligence and sanity.

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