1. Any fall from therapist's couch may break fashionable Bluetooth headset
2. Might betray spandex-clad superhero alter ego
3. Subconsciously reciting plots from more than half a dozen Baby-sitters Club books would threaten masculinity
4. Swinging watch reminds me of the clown (who was also my father) falling to his death from a trapeze at the circus
5. "Because, dammit, no hypnotist is good enough to fix my unibrow"
Says who? Indy A&E editors.