Columns » Kenneth Cleaver

Kenneth Cleaver

Consumer Correspondent

July 25, 2005

Mr. Morgan W. White, Managing Director

Woodside Asset Management, Inc.

3000 Sand Hill Road Bldg 2, Suite 160

Menlo Park, CA 94025

Dear Mr. White:

For many people, wealth conjures visions of extravagant automobiles, opulent trophy homes and ephemeral trophy wives. Some associate richness with personal chefs, stylists and other homosexuals. But because of my humble origins and pragmatic worldview, I associate wealth with money.

This is a long way of saying that I want to have my wealth managed. Only there's one problem: I'm not wealthy.

Like many Americans I cling to the possibility that one day I will be rich. So rich that I won't have to worry about my cable plan, my cell phone plan or my McDonald's Value Meal plan.

For now, I study. I watch documentaries about the rich, like Cribs, The Simple Life and Access Hollywood. I also receive catalogues from apparel and kitchenware manufacturers who cater to the rich. I've even voted Republican just to see what it felt like.

What I'd like to know is this: Do you offer any services that will manage my wealth aspirations? Is there a program for wealth-fixation management? What about wealth-envy management?

I assume you don't do any poverty management, but is there a chance we might work together in this transition period? Because I will be wealthy one day and you'll be glad you knew me way back when, which is actually right now.

Please get back to me.


Kenneth Cleaver

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