P.O. Box 1034
Colorado Springs, CO 80901
July 16, 2004
World Umpires Association
P.O. Box 394
Neenah, WI 54957
Dear World Umpires Association:
For some rather boring reasons, I won't be able to attend any baseball games this year.
Since I wouldn't want to miss yelling at your members, I thought I'd try to cram a seasons' worth in one letter.
Yelling as follows:
Hey Ump! Tell your wife she needs to update her Web site!
Hey Ump! Laser corrective surgery's a lot easier than having your ass kicked!
Hey Ump! Hey Ump! Hey Ump! Hey Ump! Hey Ump! (Repeat six innings)
3 hours, hissing.
2 hours, booing.
4 hours, catcalls (assorted).
Wow. That was cathartic!
Please disperse this among your membership with an emphasis on plate umpires.
Kenneth H. Cleaver
P.S. Please confirm receipt of this directive.