Columns » Kenneth Cleaver

Consumer Correspondent

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Kenneth H. Cleaver

P.O. Box 1034

Colorado Springs, CO 80901

July 16, 2004

World Umpires Association

P.O. Box 394

Neenah, WI 54957

Dear World Umpires Association:

For some rather boring reasons, I won't be able to attend any baseball games this year.

Since I wouldn't want to miss yelling at your members, I thought I'd try to cram a seasons' worth in one letter.

Yelling as follows:

Hey Ump! Tell your wife she needs to update her Web site!

Hey Ump! Laser corrective surgery's a lot easier than having your ass kicked!

Hey Ump! Hey Ump! Hey Ump! Hey Ump! Hey Ump! (Repeat six innings)

Ump: What????

YOU SUCK!

3 hours, hissing.

2 hours, booing.

4 hours, catcalls (assorted).

Wow. That was cathartic!

Please disperse this among your membership with an emphasis on plate umpires.

Thanks,

Kenneth H. Cleaver

P.S. Please confirm receipt of this directive.

Read the Response.

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