Columns » Kenneth Cleaver

Consumer Correspondent


June 17, 2004

The Republic of Tea

8 Digital Drive, Suite 100

Novato, CA 94949

Dear ROT:

Regarding the following statement printed on a box of your tea:

A simple cup of green tea is imbued with a wisdom beyond wisdom, capable of enlightening both mind and body. We invite you to heat the water, brew the tea and sip its greatness, taking in its teaching.

After repeated sips of said greatness I remain unenlightened. The truth is, I've never been that bright. This is not self-pity or self-loathing, just sober self-critique. I suppose this explains why I've been seeking enlightenment from tea and before that, Kool-Aid, Juicy Juice and other sugar-concentrate beverages.

I thought your tea would be different. I figured that if my mind couldn't be enlightened, perhaps my body could. But it doesn't seem any different except that I have to pee more often.

I really hope your statement was not self-serving hyperbole and that there's just something profoundly wrong with me. Do confirm.


Kenneth Cleaver Read the Response.

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