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Cinefiles

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Jersey Shore Shark Attack (R)

Anchor Bay Home Entertainment

It's obvious that SyFy is in on the joke about their low-budget monster movie-of-the-week mash-ups. What was once an innocuously cute throwback to '70s B-movies has morphed into a fully cognizant cottage industry of Scott Baios and Jack Wagners fighting chupa-bigfoots and sharkto-narwhals. And it's becoming less clever with each ensuing telefilm. Jersey Shore Shark Attack mingles the Italo-trash reality show with sharks biting people's heads off, as a group of foul-mouthed, proud-to-be-Italian, Jersey neo-archetypes fight mutated sharks with shotguns. It's fun, watchable garbage to the uninitiated, but tedious to those who've been with these SyFy cheapies from the start. — Louis Fowler

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The Five-Year Engagement (R)

Universal

Dry and agile, goofy and heartfelt, The Five-Year Engagement is the rare romantic marathon in which the obligatory, all-is-lost, John Mayer-set montage of love in peril is replaced by a more sophisticated, creeping dread over the alignment of circumstance and very real power struggles. Because it's brought to us by Nicholas Stoller and Jason Segel (Forgetting Sarah Marshall), the feeling is punctured by vomit, Segel's ass and vaginal reconstruction. Segel is a chef in love with Emily Blunt's character, an immensely measured doctoral candidate. The film is ultimately about the relationship enduring their often-conflicting needs. The result is a unique snapshot of romance in the modern age. — Justin Strout

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Home Run Showdown (NR)

Image Entertainment

No matter how hard Hollywood tries, they'll never top the kids' redemptive baseball film The Bad News Bears. But some films come close, like this Matthew Lillard/Dean Cain effort. Lillard is an affable-enough former baseball prospect who now eeks out a life living in the storage area of his pop's baseball bar. In order to prove himself (and win the bar in a bet), he takes on coaching the worst team in the local league. While we do get the typical tropes of redemption and learning to love, what make this so Bears-like is the anti-sportsmanlike conduct and anti-girls' softball messages — a lovable crudeness missing from most treacle-based films. — Louis Fowler

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