Dooms-dating: Survivalist singles and domestic tranquility


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When it comes to prepping for Armageddon, a lot of us get so caught up in life’s little necessities — canned water, Jim Bakker bean buckets, monkey fist keychains — that we end up forgetting what a tragedy it would be to experience the end of the world without having someone special to share it.

But take heart, friends, for there are more than 3,000 like-minded seekers out there who’ve posted their profiles on Survivalist Singles, a dating website that promises you don’t have to face the future — what’s left of it — alone.

While there appears to be no way to sort members geographically (at least not without signing up, which I’m a little reluctant to do), even a casual scroll through their profiles quickly turns up a few Coloradans.

Like, for instance, Chainsaw.

Granted, the name may seem off-putting, but based on her profile page, Chainsaw is an attractive 46-year-old Denver woman who is spiritual but not religious; speaks English, Italian and Spanish; likes nothing better than a quick-witted comeback; goes to Bronco games, museums, art galleries, dancing, and is always up for new adventures.

Chainsaw's favorite food is chocolate. Her favorite color is camo.

“I've been planning and preparing with friends in the mountains for years now,” she writes. “Just found out about this site not long ago, I'm hoping to meet other local preppers, looking for a like-minded man. Drop me a line if that might be you. ;) ”

Chainsaw's winky face, I’m guessing, is meant flirtatiously. Unless, you know, it’s code for something I'm better off not knowing about.

On a related note, Indy Culture Editor Matt Schniper made me promise to include a link to his award-winning story on a local survivalist food manufacturer.

And finally, here’s a real-life preview of the romantic future that awaits you, along with a trailer from the classic dooms-dating flick, Miracle Mile.


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