In the old days, before science provided increasingly bizarre study results, children had to rely on their own imaginations to get out of going to church.
There was playing sick or pointing to a supposed mountain of homework that needed to be completed. And, of course, there was my personal favorite childhood cop-out: "I think I'd rather just stay here and read the Bible." (Translation: Wahaha!)
Anyway, kids today can just say, "No thanks, mom, I'm really trying to watch my weight." Yep, science has proven it: Church makes young people fat.
Is it all that talk of fish and loaves? The cookies the old ladies pile onto the coffee table? The after-church Sunday breakfast at the local pancake parlor? Is the "body of God" more fattening than any of us ever suspected?
Hard to say, hard to say. But one way or another, statistics show that little Danny and Suzy are getting replenished with more than the glory of god in your local house of worship. Their cup is being filled, so to speak, likely with full calorie soda. A mighty fortress is not their mouths.
... OK, I'll stop. Here's what MSNBC had to say:
The study, presented at a meeting of the American Heart Association, followed 2,433 men and women starting between the ages of 20 and 32 for 18 years. Study subjects were all of normal weight at the beginning of the study. By the end, however, those who had attended a religious function at least once a week were more likely to be obese, posting a body mass index of 30 or higher. Previous research by Northwestern Medicine has found a correlation between religious involvement and obesity in middle age and older adults.
Read the full article here.